'If Only I Had Known'

   I often tell Dillon that if I had known how fast Reese would grow up,  I would have given her way more kisses back when she couldn't run away from me! (Yes, our daughter often cries 'NO!' and wiggles away when we ask her for a kiss...which we ask her at least 100 times a day. We then grab her and steal them anyway.) Dillon then usually looks at me like I'm crazy and tells me that I have in fact, kissed her about as much as is humanly possible since the moment of her birth.

  I think that I often have this mindset when I look back...This idea in my head that 'If only I had done this'. But I am starting to see that I am remembering incorrectly. For example, today I have loved on Reese with as much as I know I have in me- I have hugged, kissed, cooked for, read to, sang with, walked with, romped with and laughed with her and I *should* have no regrets. 

Because the thing is, I DO KNOW: how quickly time flies, how each day is a gift, and how much I cherish my daughter. From the day she was born, I have been learning this bittersweet truth of motherhood. So a year from now, when I am recalling today, I should not say to myself 'If only I had known...' I think that phrase is a false word I say to myself when I am wanting to relive a moment in the past- but I should start claiming Joy instead...something like 'I am so glad that I held Reese so often as a newborn' or 'I am thankful I was able to nurse her as long as I did'. I want to remember all of these sweet memories without that self-imposed guilt. 

And I am not saying that I always live out my love perfectly. I know it is unrealistic to say I will never have any regrets. But it is equally untrue to say to myself that 'I didn't know...'. I think the best place to be as a mom is to rest in Christ's grace and truth that each of us has been entrusted with our unique children to raise and we are able to do so fully in Him, with no regrets.